#MTBoSYuleBlog - The Joy of Teaching

 

Something I learned in 2021...

Change is (or can be) difficult, but sometimes necessary.  Stepping out in faith can be challenging.  These lessons aren't new or unexpected - I think we've all faced those moments where change happens and there's a tough transition time where we awkwardly adjust to our new reality.  This awkwardness was my 2021. 

Talk to any teacher and you will find that SY 2020-2021 was really tough.  We were all first year teachers again, trying to navigate teaching through a pandemic.  We had kids in school and at home, pivoting to distance learning on a dime, recording every lesson we taught, and modifying lessons to fit a "everyone faces forward and no shared supplies" classroom.  We learned new technology on a regular basis, struggled with meeting our students' SEL needs, while worrying about the health and wellbeing of everyone we came into contact with.  We lost family members, dealt with ever-growing pressures to do more with less, and became the scapegoat for all of society's ills.  

In the midst of this challenging time, I could feel myself moving further and further away from the joy of teaching and could feel myself growing more and more bitter towards the expectations placed on teachers, the lack of transparency by decision makers, and feeling the overall lack of support.  Each day, as I would take my temperature as per our COVID protocols, I would find myself hoping I had a fever because I didn't want to go to school.  I was on anxiety medication to help me face the unknown each day.  By Tuesday of each week, I was already wondering if it was Friday.  

For anyone that knows me, you also know that this is NOT typical of me.  I am one that loves to read professional books.  I pour over new teaching ideas to try to better reach my students.  My classroom has always been my happy place and I love helping students see the beauty of math.  Teaching is my life, my passion, and my joy.  Until it wasn't.

Last year at this time, I already knew that I would be leaving my job.  I didn't know what the future held; I didn't know if I would be in the classroom or outside of education entirely, but I did know that life couldn't continue as it was.  Mentally and emotionally, I was drained.  I would sit down after work and literally stare at the wall for hours.  I would watch the job postings, looking for anything that sparked my interest.  I contacted some trusted friends asking them to keep their ears open.  I prayed - a lot.  

By the time Spring rolled around, I had some interviews and my first job offer was to join the staff at a smaller district, closer to my home, and teaching with a good friend.  To be honest, I was excited for the change, but also extremely nervous.  I had spent most of my professional life teaching at the same school and you know what they say about the grass being greener!  Trading in a known situation for the unknown is really hard.  I knew what was expected at my previous district, I knew who to contact for certain issues, I knew my administration very well - what was I getting myself into???  

I gave myself a lot of pep-talks during the Spring.  I would be leaving a tenured position to start over with a temporary contract - what if the joy of teaching was gone forever?  I rationalized that I could get through a year and if the joy didn't come back, I wasn't in any worse of a situation than I was before.  I could still find a job outside of education, if it came to that.

Summer came and it was time to move into my new classroom and meet my new students.  At first, it was a culture shock as I adjusted to new ways of doing things, to a new schedule, to more of a small-town environment overall.  I grew up in a small rural school, graduating with 80 people, so I knew what it was like to be in classes with people you had known your whole life.  But high school was 25 years ago and I had forgotten some of the nuances of that level of familiarity with your classmates.  

From the beginning, I knew that I would love my new school - the administration and my colleagues were amazing, the parents and community were supportive, and the 10 minute commute wasn't bad either!  But at first, I felt like I was just going through the motions as I had to re-learn how to teach to in-person students.  Then, in mid-November, I realized - the JOY WAS COMING BACK!

I remember driving home that day, excited to tell someone about the joy and love that were truly bursting from my heart.  I called a dear friend that I used to teach with and just poured out to them.  I had been so worried that the joy of teaching was gone forever that I couldn't keep this a secret.  

It's now been about a month since that realization and I'm starting to feel like ME again!  I am listening to educational podcasts, I'm eager to read books and search for engaging lessons again.  I know there will be setbacks in this journey and days when frustrations will rise, but I know that I conquer those days and move forward.  I find myself looking forward to what 2022 holds for me professionally and personally.  I'm excited to see the student growth this year and continue watching them grow over the next few years.